There is no question that for a lot of people, marriage brings in a sense of security, belonging, partnership and bonding that no other relationship could bring. We also have some sense of hope that our relationship will most likely get better once we get married. That the issues we currently have in our relationships will somehow decrease because our partners as well as us will know just how much we love each other. However, what we often forget and truly do not acknowledge is that marriage is not the answer to our problems.
If you and/or your partner have serious deep-rooted issues with something, hoping that marriage will fix it all is great illusion. Whatever issues you both may have right now must be hashed out before stepping into an even bigger commitment like marriage. Let us explain further:
The ‘bad’ will only be magnified in marriage
The reason why your partner’s bad habits before marriage will only increase after marriage is because there is a sense of security that comes with tying the knot. This sense of security goes hand in hand with the feeling of freedom to act and behave the way we would want to – no holds bar. If your partner has a controlling behaviour, marriage will only give him the sense of power over you, which he may not fully have in the dating phase. Therefore, if your partner shows abusive behaviours right now, yes, the abuse will change after marriage – he will hit you harder and his words will cut you deeper. The harsh truth is that anyone who has the nerve to hurt you before going into marriage will only be braver to hurt you more after it.
Chronic issues must be dealt with before marriage
Understand that there is a difference between your partner having serious issues and wanting to be better by seeking help versus your partner indulging in the issue and hurting you in the process. It is impossible to find a perfect person with no personal issues or a past that is not difficult to handle. But, when your partner clearly has problems or the relationship itself has a lot of issues then you both must acknowledge them, work through them and move forward together before even considering marriage. Expecting that marriage will make these problems disappear will only lead you to disappointment.
Learn to handle conflicts better right now
Quarrels will always be there in any form of relationships and marriage will only bring more of that as you share everything together. The lesson here is to make sure that before stepping into marriage – you both have the abilities to handle conflicts in a civil and respectful manner. How you both handle conflicts right now before marriage is the preview of how you will handle it later on. If you both cannot have disagreements and discussions about difficult topics without disrespecting each other (calling names, using derogatory words, purposely attacking one another, etc.) then marriage should be put on hold and working on your relationship should be at the top of your priority list.